The Better Part
first, as a preface (which usually does come first but hey, i'm always one for redundancy...my husband could surely tell you that), this post is not meant to toot my own horn. i surely have enough screw ups in one day to fill the ocean. but, i think for once, i've gotten something right. i'm not accomplishing anything...material that is. the house is a mess. i can't tell you how much spaghetti, how many frozen burgers and how many tacos we've consumed repetitively for dinner over the past months. the jesse tree ornaments were never completed. and last night, i let (ok, practically asked) my mom to buy the kids pajamas for christmas instead of me sewing them some with the material i purchased a few weeks ago. but you know what? i'm cuddling my little baby boy. i'm kissing his precious little head and feeling his soft hair against my cheek. i'm watching him attempts to crawl. i'm listening as he says 'cat,' his first word. i'm watching my other kids interact with him and love him just as much as myself and my husband do. and you know what. i'm loving it. it has taken me to kid number four to realize that getting nothing done right now is ok. it's ok to set boundaries for us and realize, it's just going to be slow going in the material end of things for awhile. sure, i've told this to other people for awhile, but never really allowed it for myself. and i'll tell you...it's bliss. do i still frequently feel guilty for what i haven't accomplished, or done for my children or prepared for this advent? sure. it's there. but it's only in the background sometimes. what is in the foreground is this handsome little man who has had so many problems and so many appointments and still does a bit. this little man, who has stolen my heart. this time and this effort is the joy. what a freeing and blissful joy to have finally, just for a short time, feel like you have chosen the better part.