garage sale etiquette

well, the past few weeks have been riddled with garage sale-ing and having our own garage sales. thus, i have been slapped in the face by quite a few garage sale no no's. here are a few of the priceless gems:

1. do not, i repeat, do not, expect to go to a garage sale and purchase pristine brand new merchandise. the whole stinking idea of a garage sale is that it is USED!

2. thus leading me to item #2, the baby gap leather coat and matching bonnet you purchased for your 1 month old @ $75 is not going to garner you $72.50 garage sale resale...the moment you put it on your sniveling, slobbering, spit up covered child...it was negated to the 25 cent box. (maybe a buck if you are lucky)

3. this is usually for those older members of society but can be for any would be bill gates among us...just because something is old doesn't necessarily mean it's worth money. your yellowed 1972 issue of time magazine isn't dipped in gold!

4. upon negotiating 50 cents for a one dollar item by using the phrase "because i only have 50 cents on me, " do not ask them to break a twenty.

5. half used toiletries...need i say more?

6. truth in advertising people. five mason jars, a used kitty litter box and a pair of broken roller blades do not a "HUGE, GIGANTIC BLOW OUT OF A GARAGE SALE!!!!!!!" make.

here are also three interesting types of shoppers i have noticed:

1. the "hey maw, i bet our car will never start again if we turn it off shopper." these are the people that seem to not realize that gas practically costs 20 bucks an ounce and like to leave their cars running the entire time they are out. they park their car, get out to look (while leaving their wife in the car) and then when they return...their wife gets out to look. is their marriage so rocky that they can't appear together at such a high profile event?

2. the shop from your car shopper. as they pull over to the curb, "hey, what kind of price do you have on that pair of hip waders? 10 dollars huh? would you take $8" waves the cash out the window and expects delivery.

3. the psychic drive by shopper. these shoppers believe they can see every item at your sale by doing a 2 mph drive by while a.) holding up all traffic, b.) picking off a pedestrian and c.) almost side swiping all the vehicles parked on the block.