Saturday, September 30, 2006


well, this one is sure to tick people off, but that seems to be what i do. so, here goes. i think there should be a new law passed that makes it a crime for people that decide to get married after years of shacking up to ask for wedding presents. if you want to play house without the commitment...PAY FOR IT YOURSELF!

garage sale etiquette

well, the past few weeks have been riddled with garage sale-ing and having our own garage sales. thus, i have been slapped in the face by quite a few garage sale no no's. here are a few of the priceless gems:

1. do not, i repeat, do not, expect to go to a garage sale and purchase pristine brand new merchandise. the whole stinking idea of a garage sale is that it is USED!

2. thus leading me to item #2, the baby gap leather coat and matching bonnet you purchased for your 1 month old @ $75 is not going to garner you $72.50 garage sale resale...the moment you put it on your sniveling, slobbering, spit up covered was negated to the 25 cent box. (maybe a buck if you are lucky)

3. this is usually for those older members of society but can be for any would be bill gates among us...just because something is old doesn't necessarily mean it's worth money. your yellowed 1972 issue of time magazine isn't dipped in gold!

4. upon negotiating 50 cents for a one dollar item by using the phrase "because i only have 50 cents on me, " do not ask them to break a twenty.

5. half used toiletries...need i say more?

6. truth in advertising people. five mason jars, a used kitty litter box and a pair of broken roller blades do not a "HUGE, GIGANTIC BLOW OUT OF A GARAGE SALE!!!!!!!" make.

here are also three interesting types of shoppers i have noticed:

1. the "hey maw, i bet our car will never start again if we turn it off shopper." these are the people that seem to not realize that gas practically costs 20 bucks an ounce and like to leave their cars running the entire time they are out. they park their car, get out to look (while leaving their wife in the car) and then when they return...their wife gets out to look. is their marriage so rocky that they can't appear together at such a high profile event?

2. the shop from your car shopper. as they pull over to the curb, "hey, what kind of price do you have on that pair of hip waders? 10 dollars huh? would you take $8" waves the cash out the window and expects delivery.

3. the psychic drive by shopper. these shoppers believe they can see every item at your sale by doing a 2 mph drive by while a.) holding up all traffic, b.) picking off a pedestrian and c.) almost side swiping all the vehicles parked on the block.

Friday, September 15, 2006

two little musings...

well, the font has been a little dry the past few days but here are two little gems that both smacked me in the face yesterday...

1st - i realized that the most important thing i ever learned in all my years of schooling (17 years) came in the form of an extra credit question. it was that one about the cat, the chicken, the bag of grain and the boat. you can only take one across the river at a time, don't leave the cat alone with the chicken or the chicken gets the axe, don't leave the chicken alone with the grain or you'll be left with an empty bag, etc. i have now realized with 3 children under 7 that this is the story of my life...or of at least trying to get them all in the car by myself.

2nd - i, being a rather large and portly woman, definitely find weight a touchy topic. well last night i ran (ok, not literally, remember...i'm one of those "big" girls) out to the local outlets to pick up a shirt at the layne bryant outlet. while there i noticed a new store was going to open next to layne bryant. i couldn't believe what it was. PETITE SOPHISTICATE!!! oh, who wasn't doing their homework on this one? i can just see it now. this beautiful, slender, petite little thing is strolling along the sidewalk intoPETITE SOPHISTICATE and i get out of my car (insert the thundering footsteps of me lumbering across the parking lot). her headturns toward the deafening sound, she shrieks and runs in fear. there you have it. the fat ladies will either scare the petite ones...or eat them so they don't have to walk all the way to the food court.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

question of the day

massaged a little too hard. gums sore. laying off for awhile.

here's the question of the day...are children born with functioning ears? or more importantly, are those ears connected to their brains? maybe that was the day i slept through anatomy. you know, the day they said "oh and by the way, the human ear doesn't begin to function until the child reaches like 10 or something." heaven knows i can tell you they don't seem to be functioning in a certain 6 year old. the deer caught in the headlights look says it all.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

today in the life...

well, first off. i'm starting to enjoy the subtle nuances (can't even tell you if i spelled that right) of the not so new now toothbrush. it has this wonderful gum massaging action. i'm really starting to get into it. catching myself brushing for possibly as long as suggested by the ada just for the massage.

general rant for the day. what is it with people who feel that it's their job in life to waste your time? oh yeah, i'm sure that you have all the free time in the world and i believe i was placed here by God Almighty to waste it for you. it's what i was put on this earth to do so therefore i must in order to reach eternal paradise. no. i don't think so. the only thing you are bound to reach is my last nerve.

i made a pledge last week to sew for at least 15 minutes each day because it's national sewing month. well yeah, my sewing machine still has last years dust on it. guess who broke their pledge. but i do have alot of rosaries and religious jewelry made and the children are still living and breathing. that counts as a creative pursuit right?

Sunday, September 03, 2006


well, i was thinking about it and i just had to write a quick ode to cheese. it is definitely my favorite food and the reason why i cannot go on any of those trendy diets and lose this other person that follows me around and strangely looks as if i am wearing an inner tube all the time. but seriously, or not so seriously. cheese is the perfect food. you can do dang near anything with it, except power your car...but i'm working on it. ok, not really. cheese...the breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions. toss in a little "coupon vodka" and you've got the perfect meal! bon appetit.